Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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