I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
