drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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