I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
