Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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