He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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