2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
