Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
