we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
