I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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