btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
