i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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