considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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