Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
