i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize