be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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