She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
