one might say we're banned from that church
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
