Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
