Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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