i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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