ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
