I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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