I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
