I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
