i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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