He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
