Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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