Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
