I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
