Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
