see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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