Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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