i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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