If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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