the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found the puke drawer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
