I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
