Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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