She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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