Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if i can run in heels then i can drive
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize