OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
