No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
