All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
