Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize