Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
