Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize