I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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