why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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