Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
