Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
