I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
