Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
