Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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