my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
