he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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