Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
