this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
