u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
