I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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