He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
