I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
