I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
