can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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