I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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