We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
