Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
