Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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