I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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