i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
