WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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