i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
