a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
