man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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