capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The Olympian is in my bed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
