Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
