He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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