I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
