hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
