I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize