We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
