$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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